“We give you all the rights,” all-male panel assures women on women’s day
Ah, March 8th. A day when we, the enlightened, progressive men, take a moment to remind women of the incredible generosity we have shown them. Ladies, you’re welcome.
See, unlike other men—those cavemen still stuck in the past—we get it. We understand gender equality better than anyone. (Yes, even better than women, but we’ll say that softly so they don’t get upset.) We’ve read at least three feminist articles, and we totally support women—so long as they acknowledge that men are the real pioneers of women’s rights.
“We Gave You Everything. What More Do You Want?”
Look, we let women vote. We let them work. We even let them speak in meetings sometimes. Isn’t that enough?
We simply don’t understand why women keep pushing for “more rights.” What’s left? Equal pay? But have they considered the emotional labor we men go through when we explain the wage gap to them? The real oppression here is the pain of being constantly questioned when we patiently tell women that the pay gap is just a myth.
“Actually, Feminism is About Me”
As true allies, we like to step in and steer the feminist conversation in the right direction. After all, women can get a little emotional about these things, and it’s important to have a calm, rational male voice leading the movement.
When a woman talks about workplace discrimination, we gently correct her: “Actually, studies show that men face discrimination too.”
When a woman expresses frustration about harassment, we kindly remind her: “Not all men.”
When a woman dares to celebrate Women’s Day without thanking men for allowing it, we must intervene: “Feminism means equality, so where’s Men’s Day?”
“We Would Have Fixed Sexism by Now, But Women Keep Complaining”
The real problem? Women won’t stop talking about their problems. If they would just sit back and let us—the experts on feminism—handle things, we’d have solved gender inequality ages ago. But no, they insist on demanding change in ways that make us uncomfortable.
Worse, when we explain feminism to them, they push back! Imagine our distress when a woman interrupts our carefully crafted TED Talk on “What Women Really Need.” It’s honestly exhausting being the most informed person in the room.
Final Thoughts: Ladies, Just Say Thank You
On this Women’s Day, instead of complaining, take a moment to appreciate the men who have allowed you to have rights. Maybe even thank us for the work we do in feminism—by which we mean talking about feminism loudly in front of other men and posting performative tweets.
Remember, without us, you’d still be in the kitchen.
You’re welcome.