Pakistanis cheer for military as more civil liberties erode
While all sections of the society united to cheer for the military against the archrival India, the Supreme Court ruled civilians can be tried in military courts
ISLAMABAD – In an inspiring display of unity, the entire Pakistani nation has erupted in jubilant celebration following the military’s resounding victory in recent clashes with India—clashes that most citizens only heard about through tamed media coverage, hashtags, and TikToks where everything was labeled "breaking news."
As jets roared over the skies and state TV looped animations of Indian aircraft exploding with all the realism of a 90s video game, people from all walks of life—urban liberals, rural conservatives, Islamists, TikTok influencers, chai vendors, and everyone in between—stood up to cheer the valiant defenders of the motherland. Notably, they cheered while standing in line at the registrar’s office, trying to figure out the dates of military courts trials of their loved ones locked up on charged such as sedation, espionage, and treason — you know, the usual for an authoritarian state.
"Honestly, who needs freedom of speech when you’ve got air superiority?" said one Karachi university student, deleting his Twitter thread on constitutional law after a gentle reminder from his university’s newly appointed "Military Liaison Dean."
The Supreme Court, never one to miss the chance to ride a wave of nationalistic fervor, delivered a majority decision declaring that civilians can be tried in military courts, citing "efficiency, patriotism, and a general vibe of obedience." The decision was cheered not only in courtrooms but also in military barracks, WhatsApp family groups, and curiously, at a McDonald’s drive-thru in Lahore.
"Due process is a Western construct," said Justice Retd. Patriot G. while attending a victory seminar titled "Guns Before Gibberish: Why Rule of Law is Overrated." “Our real trial is by fire and F-16s.”
Journalists praised the military's swift response to the enemy while casually avoiding the topic of press freedom being sent on indefinite 'leave without pay.' Geo News aired a two-hour special titled "Thanks, GHQ!" while censoring three ongoing domestic scandals, one international embarrassment, and a minor civilian uprising in a village that has since been removed from all official maps.
Even Pakistan’s celebrity class joined the chorus of military praise. Actress Mahira K. posted on Instagram: “Freedom is overrated, but winning jet fights isn’t! #SoProud #CourtMartialMePlz” while sipping an imported latte in Dubai, where she recently moved due to ‘creative differences with PEMRA.’
Perhaps most heartwarming was the reaction from schoolchildren, many of whom wore camo uniforms for a week-long "Military Civics Awareness" campaign that replaced math class with drone assembly workshops. "I want to grow up and try civilians too!" chirped one excited 12-year-old in Rawalpindi.
Critics, if any remain, have been asked politely but firmly to ‘adjust.’ “Now is not the time to question institutions,” said a government spokesperson. “It is the time to love them blindly, like a toxic ex who owns a tank.”
As for the Constitution, a spokesperson from the Ministry of National Celebration confirmed it had been placed "in a safe place for now"—next to the missing persons list, last year’s inflation data, and the definition of irony.