Indian trolling now imminent, Pakistan warns international community
Islamabad calls for emergency UN session to prepare for meme nnslaught
Islamabad — In an urgent press briefing held late Tuesday evening, Pakistan’s Foreign Office issued a stern warning to the international community that an "unprovoked and premeditated Indian trolling strike" was now "imminent." The warning comes in the wake of a terrorist attack in Pahalgam, which Indian netizens have begun linking to their eternal nemesis: Pakistan.
"We have credible intelligence that Indian Twitter handles, YouTube channels, and even rogue WhatsApp uncles are preparing to launch a full-scale meme offensive against Pakistan," said Information Minister Atta Tarar, flanked by military officials and a visibly distressed national TikTok influencer. "We urge the UN, NATO, OIC, FIFA, and even Elon Musk to intervene before the trolling escalates into TikTok duets and dance reels mocking our sovereignty."
Sources confirm that within minutes of the Pahalgam attack, Indian social media warriors—armed with 2019 Balakot jokes, recycled Uri memes, and HD screenshots from Border (1997)—began mobilizing under the hashtag #SurgicalStrike. The situation has reportedly spiraled to the point where even food bloggers are speculating whether biryani or bullets are being cooked across the border.
In an emergency address to the nation, Pakistan’s army spokesperson Maj. Gen. Retweet Sharif Chaudhry declared:
“We will respond with full force across all platforms. Our YouTubers have been placed on high alert. ISPR is preparing emotional background scores for upcoming rebuttal vlogs. If India trolls us, we will troll back—harder, louder, and preferably with more drone shots and patriotic overlays.”
The international community, for its part, responded with a customary statement of “deep concern” and promptly muted the phrase “India-Pakistan” on X (formerly Twitter).
United Nations Secretary-General António Guterres, when asked about the warning, sighed deeply and said, “Again? Didn’t we just do this three weeks ago?”
India, maintaining its tradition of nonchalant denial, has neither confirmed nor denied the impending troll strike. However, unverified screenshots suggest a Delhi-based meme page posted a story reading: “Keep calm and let Bhai handle it. #SurgicalMemeStrike.”
Pakistan, undeterred, has reportedly submitted a 243-page dossier to the UN, containing screenshots of spicy tweets, sarcastic Facebook comments, and a voice note from an Indian gamer saying “bro, Paki noob.”
In closing, Foreign Minister Ishaq Dar issued one final plea: “We call upon the international community to restrain India from launching this digital aggression. Trolling is not a joke—it hurts feelings, threatens stability, and worst of all, ruins algorithmic engagement for our patriotic content creators.”
Analysts predict the meme barrage will continue for at least 72 hours or until the next IPL or PSL — depending on which side of the border you are — match distracts everyone.