Elon Musk declares Germany’s neo-Nazis ‘centrists,’ accidentally redefines compass
He has previously declared Hitler and Nazis as leftists and communists
In a bold and entirely predictable turn of events, Elon Musk — part-time rocket man, full-time meme enthusiast — has come to the defense of Germany’s most infamous far-right party, Alternative für Deutschland (AfD), by boldly declaring them “centrists.” That’s right: a party officially classified by Germany’s intelligence agency as “confirmed far-right extremists” has been rebranded by Musk as moderate middle-of-the-roaders — just your average goose-stepping centrists who think democracy peaked in 1933.
Taking to X (formerly known as Twitter, now primarily known as a megaphone for libertarian billionaires with a martyr complex), Musk criticized the German government’s spy agency for its "bias," suggesting it had unfairly labeled AfD as extremist. “They’re just centrists who like orderly parades and question whether the Enlightenment was such a good idea,” Musk didn’t tweet, but definitely implied.
Of course, this isn’t Musk’s first attempt to play historical revisionist and amateur political theorist. In a now-legendary Twitter Space ahead of the German elections, Musk cozied up with AfD party leader Alice Weidel, the political equivalent of a sentient LinkedIn profile with Mein Kampf in the “Favorites” section. During the chat, Musk cheerfully promoted Weidel’s talking points while helpfully informing listeners that Hitler and the Nazis were actually left-wing — a take so historically inaccurate that it made actual historians scream into their trench coats.
“Nazis were basically communists,” Musk claimed, presumably while his neural net chip was overheating. This statement has since become a favorite among people who failed history class but passed YouTube’s recommendation algorithm with flying colors. Never mind that the Nazis literally murdered communists en masse and labeled Marxism as their mortal enemy — in Musk’s galaxy-brained worldview, facts are just optional side quests.
In Musk’s new political compass — now available as an overpriced Tesla infotainment app — the center is located somewhere between a Joe Rogan soundbite and the comment section of Breitbart. The far-left includes anyone who believes in food stamps or climate change, while the far-right has been rebranded as "bold truth-tellers with a passion for heritage fonts."
Meanwhile, Germany’s Federal Office for the Protection of the Constitution, which seems stubbornly committed to “evidence” and “the Constitution,” has stood by its extremist classification of the AfD, even as Musk lobs memes from the peanut gallery. “They don’t seem very far-right to me,” Musk posted, shortly before sharing a conspiracy theory about migrant invasions and a quote misattributed to Voltaire.
AfD, of course, welcomed Musk’s endorsement like a golden retriever discovering fascism. Party officials even suggested Musk might be their ideal candidate for “Minister of Misunderstanding History,” a new role they're trialing for their post-democracy fantasy cabinet.
At press time, Musk had tweeted that banning fascism is “actually the real fascism,” and proposed replacing Germany’s Basic Law with a DAO running on Dogecoin.
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