A Pakistani and an Israeli walk into a Turkish hair salon in Germany
As sensational and as fictional the title of this post sounds, I can promise you this is a true story. One fine Spring morning, I (the Pakistani in this case), was waiting for my turn at a hairdresser’s in Berlin. Two hairdressers (one Turkish and the other’s nationality I won’t name to maintain anonymity) were busy cutting hair. The men getting their hair cut were both white Germans; one appeared to be early 20s, the other 40-something. On the waiting seat with me was the girlfriend of the younger German guy. There walked a young man into the salon.
A tad bit of nervousness obvious on his face, he tried to say something in English. The hairdresser didn’t appear keen on trying to have a conversation in English and told him he doesn’t speak English. Quietly noticing the development and getting excited at the prospect of getting to help someone translate and in the process show off my own German skills, I first decided to look at others to see if they take the initiative and offer to help. No one did and they all just looked away.
I happily jumped in and told them I’m happy to translate for him. I relayed to the hairdressers that he wanted a haircut, and they told him to take a seat. He thanked me and started a conversation. Something along the lines of “are you also a student in Berlin” etc which quickly moved on to “where are you from?”. The hairdressers were all ears when the young man announced he’s from Israel. I told him I’m from Pakistan and we both pretended there’s no awkwardness there at all and continued our conversation in a pleasant manner. Context: Pakistan and Israel have no diplomatic relations and have maintained a love-hate relation through the backchannels. On the outlook though, politicians and the religious parties regularly use hostile rhetoric toward Israel and anti-Semitic tropes to malign the opposition leaders. And Pakistan being the only nuclear armed Islamic country is also not viewed favourably in Israel.
“Where are you from?” one of the hairdressers asked again, seemingly wanting to double-check he heard correctly. “Israel,” the young man repeated. The hairdressers looked at each other and there was an awkward silence. One of the hairdressers was trying to overcome his language barrier and ask a question. He started with “Israel, Israel” in a curious tone which was making everyone nervous. At this point, I had already made my mind that if he gets discriminated against, I will stand up to it and won’t get a haircut either.
The swift release to the climax came when he finally made progress with his question. It turned out, he was only trying to ask what language they speak in Israel. “Hebrew,” the young student replied. The conversation went on with how different conversation starters go in each our languages. Like how would you say “hello” in Hebrew, Turkish, and so on. The jolly atmosphere peaked when the staffer went to the backroom and returned with two traditional cups of the Turkish tea for us.
At this point, the 40-something German guy who was done with his haircut came forward and shook his hand with the Israeli student.
“Young man, welcome to Germany,” he said in a very stereotypical German accent.
“And try to learn some German. Trust me, it is not as difficult as they make it out in Hollywood.”
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at the audacity and arguably the most German response that could have come at that point. I was up next. I got my haircut and off I went. And I and the Israeli student continue to wave at each other every time our paths cross.
Editor’s note: as satirical and ironic as it sounds, this is a true story.