Pakistan to send first citizen to space—because India did it first
Great news for Pakistan’s space enthusiasts (all 12 of them)! The government has announced an ambitious plan to send the first Pakistani into space by 2022. Yes, you read that right—Pakistan, a country still struggling to get stable electricity on Earth, is now aiming for the stars.
The announcement was made by Fawad Chaudhry, the Federal Minister for Science and Technology (and occasional Twitter comedian), who triumphantly declared that the selection process would begin in 2020, eventually narrowing 50 lucky candidates down to a single space traveler. While this is an exciting development, one has to wonder—is this about scientific progress, or is this just another round of “If India can do it, we can too”?
Proud to announce that selection process for the first Pakistani to be sent to Space shall begin from Feb 2020,fifty people will be shortlisted — list will then come down to 25 and in 2022 we will send our first person to space,this will be the biggest space event of our history
— Ch Fawad Hussain (@fawadchaudhry) July 25, 2019
The Great Space Race… of Petty Rivalry
This bold declaration follows India’s recent lunar mission, which seems to have sent shockwaves through Pakistan’s corridors of power. Now, instead of focusing on more, let’s say, earthly concerns (like fixing the economy, healthcare, or basic infrastructure), Pakistan has set its sights on a much more urgent national priority: proving to India that we too can strap someone to a rocket and launch them into space.
If history is anything to go by, this is the same government that has promised bullet trains, an economic revolution, and a corruption-free Pakistan—all of which are still pending somewhere between a press conference and Insha’Allah. But hey, space is different, right?
The Selection Process: Who Gets to Be Pakistan’s First Astronaut?
Now, the real fun begins—who should be Pakistan’s first space traveler? Given the country’s rich history of launching people’s careers into the void (see: missing journalists), there’s no shortage of candidates.
Some top contenders:
Tehreek-e-Labbaik’s Khadim Rizvi – A perfect choice! We can finally test whether his dharnas (protests) work in zero gravity. If they do, NASA will be knocking on our doors.
Sheikh Rasheed – The Railway Minister could finally prove that Pakistan’s space program moves faster than our trains.
Any Politician Who Promised “Tabdeeli” (Change) in 90 Days – Let’s see if they can deliver reforms while orbiting Earth.
The Entire PCB Selection Committee – Maybe they’ll find a batsman up there who can survive a T20 match without collapsing under pressure.
Realistic Challenges (Besides Actually Building a Rocket)
Of course, there are a few logistical hurdles. Minor things like:
The Rocket: Pakistan currently does not have a functional space launch vehicle. But let’s not get caught up in details.
Funding: The government struggles to fund hospitals—where exactly will the billions needed for space travel come from? (My money is on an IMF loan labeled “Space and Other Miscellaneous Expenses”.)
Astronaut Training: With the state of Pakistan’s gym culture, we may need to train our astronauts by convincing them that space offers a rare discount on biryani.
Communication: Given our cell network quality, there’s a real chance our astronaut will be calling from orbit saying, “Hello? Can you hear me? Signal nahi aa raha (No signal).”
What If This Actually Happens?
On the off chance that this isn’t just another one of the government’s bold-yet-hollow announcements, and Pakistan really does send someone to space—what then?
Well, if it’s anything like our cricket team, expect an overhyped build-up, unnecessary drama, last-minute changes, and eventual heartbreak when the rocket malfunctions just before launch.
But hey, let’s stay positive. If nothing else, at least one lucky Pakistani will finally get to experience a country where there are no power outages, no inflation, and no political chaos—at least for a few minutes.
Bon voyage, dear astronaut. May you find in space what we have yet to find on Earth: a functioning system.